A woman's fertility begins to decline at age 27. Women plan their career and when they hit 35 or 40, they are ready to start a family. Is it too late? From freezing eggs, to donor sperm, explore the agonizing choices of babies versus career.
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The following program contains content which is sexual in nature. It is not intended that any viewer rely on the content of the program for medical advice. If you believe you require medical or psychological advice or treatment, please consult your doctor.
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Berman & Berman For Women Only
Berman & Berman
01:00:11 Dr. Laura Berman OC
You want kids but you also want a career.
01:00:13 Dr. Jennifer Berman OC
So you wait and wait and wait, but what if you wait too long?
01:00:16 Dr. Laura Berman OC
The baby panic attack, what every woman must know about fertility, the future and finding the right man.
01:00:21 Dr. Jennifer Berman OC
We're Berman and Berman.
01:00:23 Dr. Laura Berman OC
And this is For Women Only.
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Berman & Berman For Women Only
01:00:43 Dr. Laura Berman OC
Hello and welcome. We're gonna be talking about a very important topic and one close to our hearts, the idea of Babies versus Career.
01:00:53 Dr. Jennifer Berman OC
I mean it was implanted in our brains since birth, you know never be dependent on a man, have your own career.
01:00:59 Dr. Laura Berman OC
Right. Our mom primarily.
01:01:00 Dr. Jennifer Berman OC
Establish your life. So that's sort of the?
01:01:03 Dr. Laura Berman OC
Build your career first. Wait. And I think most women in our generation, please don't have kids too early. Wait until you're?
01:01:09 Dr. Jennifer Berman OC
Don't be like me. Even.
01:01:10 Dr. Laura Berman OC
Yeah. That was sort of? yeah, don't be like me.
01:01:12 Dr. Jennifer Berman OC
01:01:12 Dr. Laura Berman OC/VO
So now we have all of these women in their 30's, many of whom are? have been focusing on their careers and are now thinking about having families and facing challenges that they didn't really anticipate.
01:01:25 Dr. Jennifer Berman OC
Challenges of even finding a man.
01:01:27 Dr. Laura Berman OC
Finding a man, challenges getting pregnant that we didn't think about before, and the challenges of?
01:01:32 Dr. Jennifer Berman OC
Managing the career.
01:01:32 Dr. Laura Berman OC
? managing the career and the baby. So we have a lot to talk about today. I'm Laura Berman.
01:01:37 Dr. Jennifer Berman OC
And I'm Jennifer Berman. We run the Female Sexual?
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Drs. Jennifer & Laura Berman
? Sexual Medicine center at UCLA here in Los Angeles. I'm an urologist and Laura's a sex therapist.
01:01:44 Dr. Laura Berman OC/VO
And our topic, Babies versus Career. It seems like everyone is suddenly feeling the pressure and it's making the covers of magazines across the country. You can see here "Us" magazine?
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Berman & Berman
? "Will they ever have babies?" Even Hollywood is feeling the pressure and stars are getting older and wondering if they'll ever have babies. What will they do, kids, career or is it too late?
01:02:05 Dr. Jennifer Berman OC
Here to tell us is entertainment reporter and anchor of Fox Television's Good Day Live, Dorothy Lucey. Come on up.
01:02:11 Dr. Laura Berman OC
Come on up.
01:02:15 Dorothy Lucey OC
01:02:16 Dr. Laura Berman OC
Good to see you.
01:02:17 Dorothy Lucey OC
I want to do a show with my sisters. Or you know what, maybe I don't.
01:02:21 Dr. Laura Berman VO/OC
Dorothy? Dorothy is a mom and a TV star. And later in the show we're gonna talk to you about?
01:02:25 Dorothy Lucey OC
I don't know about TV star, but a mom.
01:02:28 Dr. Laura Berman VO/OC
But we'll be talking to you about the whole idea of having a decision to have a baby, but right now tell us the scoop. Who in Hollywood is having a baby panic?
01:02:36 Dorothy Lucey OC/VO
You know I have to tell you I thought this cover was so rude. And this is the kind of thing I do, cheesy gossip about celebrities, but I thought it's like saying "Oh, barren?
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Dorothy Lucey Fox-TV "Good Day Live"
? womb," you know, "What's wrong with them?" And they're? both of them are trying to have babies. And?
01:02:49 Dr. Jennifer Berman VO
And they're in their mid-30's or late 30's?
01:02:51 Dorothy Lucey OC/VO
You know in that mid to late. In that neighborhood.
01:02:53 Dr. Laura Berman VO/OC
Yeah. And what are some of your thoughts about some of these celebrities that are maybe are in their mid-20's, probably at the prime age to become pregnant, but for career reasons are not? what kind of pressure are these actresses under to not get pregnant?
01:03:07 Dorothy Lucey OC/VO
Well, I don't think? I don't think anybody thought about it.
01:03:09 Dr. Laura Berman OC
01:03:10 Dorothy Lucey VO/OC
I don't think I thought about it. I think I had it in the back of my head, you know, I was lucky to have my son, and now I realize how lucky, because I skated in.
01:03:17 Dr. Laura Berman VO
And he's four.
01:03:18 Dorothy Lucey OC
01:03:18 Laura Berman OC
01:03:18 Dorothy Lucey OC
He just turned four. Really close to the deadline. But I think I had in the back of my mind, well, maybe I'll have another one. And now I'm thinking?
01:03:26 Dr. Laura Berman VO
What if you can't?
01:03:26 Dorothy Lucey OC/VO
I don't know of my body can. And I don't think we ever thought, 27, you must have a baby.
01:03:32 Dr. Laura Berman VO/OC
Right. Right. What about the pressures that some of the actresses have, not necessarily Courtney Cox and Jennifer Aniston, but are there some of them that have that pressure to stay skinny and therefore don't want to get pregnant?
01:03:43 Dr. Jennifer Berman OC
Don't want to get pregnant?
01:03:45 Dorothy Lucey OC/VO
Well, there's always that. You know you can't be too skinny in Hollywood. And also, both of them are very successful. You know so they can do it and it doesn't matter. I think especially if you're climbing in your career?
01:03:54 Dr. Laura Berman VO
01:03:54 Dorothy Lucey OC/VO
? do you really want to take the time out? Which is what, maybe two years that you're gonna take out, maybe three.
01:03:59 Dr. Laura Berman VO/OC
I was reading that for some of these actresses who aren't so established, when they're about to get a job and about to be hired you have to get a physical, and if it's found out that they're pregnant they often won't get the job. Is that true?
01:04:13 Dorothy Lucey VO/OC
Well, and it's also you know well, I understand that because there's a shooting schedule. A TV show, a movie, very expensive. And if you're working around someone and it's not Jodie Foster, then why do it? I understand how the executives feel
01:04:25 Dr. Laura Berman OC/VO
Right. So these up and coming who aren't fully established multimillion-dollar actresses may be under the pressure to sort of keep their physical shape, to keep the shooting schedule, keep the options open.
01:04:35 Dr. Jennifer Berman OC
Keep all their options open.
01:04:36 Dorothy Lucey VO/OC
And it's not, just have the baby and go back to work. It's, have the baby, look fabulous to go back to work.
01:04:41 Dr. Jennifer Berman VO/OC
That? that was hard for us. It literally took a year to get back to like remotely normal looking.
01:04:47 Dorothy Lucey VO/OC
It did for me, too, and I was on TV every day feeling like oh, I'm so bloated. You know I still look pregnant.
01:04:55 Dr. Laura Berman VO/OC
We weren't those pregnant women that just had the little cute tummy. I mean it was everywhere.
01:04:59 Dr. Jennifer Berman OC/VO
All-over huge. But there are things going on in Hollywood. Also all these women that are adopting babies. Calista Flockhart and?
01:05:06 Dr. Laura Berman OC
01:05:07 Dr. Jennifer Berman OC/VO
Nicole Kidman. What is? are they women that could not have babies or are they doing it for other reasons? Do you know the motivation?
I don't think either one of them couldn't have a child, maybe just at that moment they wanted a child, but they didn't want to be pregnant and they didn't want everything that goes with it. So you know everybody makes a decision for a different reason, but it might have had something to do with I want the baby but I don't right now want to be pregnant. And?
01:05:29 Dr. Jennifer Berman VO/OC
Right. And I'm afraid with this whole change in us worrying about our fertility there's gonna be a pressure for women to you know go out there, find men?
01:05:37 Dr. Laura Berman OC
01:05:37 Dr. Jennifer Berman OC
? and perhaps not?
01:05:38 Dorothy Lucey VO/OC
Makes it even harder when you're thinking, I must have a baby. I mean you know all that stress, then you're never gonna get pregnant.
01:05:43 Dr. Jennifer Berman OC
Never get pregnant and nor? or you might end up with somebody?
01:05:45 Dr. Laura Berman OC/VO
Or you're thinking, I'm in my mid to late 20's, I better get started finding a man so I can hurry up and have a baby while I'm still in my reproductive, viable years. Has anyone in our audience had to struggle with deciding child-career, baby-career? Okay everybody. What's your name?
01:06:02 Amy OC
01:06:03 Dr. Laura Berman VO
01:06:03 Amy OC/VO
Hi. I'm a writer and my first show went to New York. And I couldn't go with it. I made that choice not to go with it. And I had to? had to, wanted to stay home and be Mommy.
01:06:14 Dr. Laura Berman OC/VO
How many kids did you? you have how many kids now? You have one on the way.
01:06:17 Amy OC
This is four.
01:06:18 Dr. Jennifer Berman VO
01:06:18 Dr. Laura Berman VO
Four. And how many? wow. And how many did you have when you made that decision?
01:06:23 Amy OC
That was the first baby.
01:06:24 Dr. Laura Berman VO
The first one.
01:06:25 Dr. Jennifer Berman VO
And do you have any regrets ever?
01:06:28 Amy OC/VO
Yeah. Yeah, but I mean hindsight's 20/20 kind of thing. Now I'm writing and I'm having a baby and I'm Mommy. So?
01:06:36 Dorothy Lucey OC
That seems like a perfect career for? but it's easy for me to say that on the outside.
01:06:40 Amy VO
Yeah, I mean?
01:06:40 Dorothy Lucey OC/VO
But then you can write. You can still have your <inaudible>.
01:06:42 Dr. Laura Berman VO
Write while you're home.
01:06:43 Amy OC/VO
Yeah. I'm wiser now, because I'm older now.
01:06:47 Dr. Jennifer Berman VO
Have you lost work because of that, because of that choice?
01:06:49 Amy OC/VO
I think I lost? yeah, I think I lost opportunities. It was in New York. I mean that was home for me.
01:06:55 Dr. Jennifer Berman VO/OC
Who else? Does anyone else have a? back here. What is your name?
01:06:57 Natasha OC
01:06:58 Dr. Laura Berman VO
Both two pregnant women telling us their stories. Is this your first or you have more?
01:07:04 Natasha OC
It's my first. And I want to try and do it all. And people think that I'm crazy. But?
01:07:09 Dr. Laura Berman VO
What are you trying to do?
01:07:09 Natasha OC/VO
Well, see, I currently work, you know have a full-time job. I'm trying to start my own business and I also want to stay home. Because I'm nervous about daycare. I know I can't afford to just quit? you know quit my job with my business just beginning. So I'm not really sure what I'm gonna do, but I want to try and do all three things and still keep my marriage.
01:07:29 Dr. Laura Berman VO
Is your business? can your business be run out of home?
01:07:32 Natasha OC
01:07:32 Dr. Laura Berman VO
01:07:33 Dr. Jennifer Berman VO/OC
So that's a good thing. And that's another point, some women can't make the choice. Some women need to work.
01:07:38 Laura Berman OC
01:07:38 Dr. Jennifer Berman OC/VO
You know dual? have dual incomes. So it's not even like we always have the choice to do that.
01:07:42 Dr. Laura Berman VO/OC
Yeah. And then also there's a lot of these stars who have had babies like Catherine Zeta-Jones, Uma Thurman.
01:07:50 Dorothy Lucey VO/OC
Working on a movie is so intense, and you know you guys, also very intense jobs?
01:07:57 Dr. Laura Berman OC
01:07:58 Dorothy Lucey VO/OC
? where you probably go for a long period of time with spending so little time with your children.
01:08:01 Dr. Laura Berman VO/OC
Very little time. We'll be talking about that. That's? yeah seven, we work basically seven days a week.
01:08:07 Dorothy Lucey VO
But you know if you can do two movies a year and make 20 million?
01:08:09 Laura Berman OC
01:08:09 Dorothy Lucey VO/OC
?dollars then that's not so bad. You're away from your child for a couple of months and then you have the whole rest of your life to do nothing and be with them.
01:08:14 Dr. Laura Berman VO
Right. Right Right.
01:08:16 Dr. Jennifer Berman VO/OC
Right. But it seems like for some women it's not even about the movie or the money, I mean it's their desire, their love of that, of their job, that really drives them.
01:08:25 Dr. Laura Berman OC
01:08:25 Dr. Jennifer Berman OC
It's not necessarily the money.
01:08:26 Dr. Laura Berman OC/VO
Or the validation that they get from their work.
01:08:28 Dorothy Lucey OC
And then sometimes when you have a baby you know all that changes.
01:08:30 Dr. Laura Berman VO
01:08:30 Dorothy Lucey OC/VO
And all the other stuff doesn't seem so glamorous.
01:08:32 Dr. Laura Berman VO/OC
Right. Well, than you Dorothy. And you're gonna be coming back later. We'll see you then to talk more about balancing career and family.
01:08:40 Dorothy Lucey VO
And my favorite subject.
01:08:41 Dr. Laura Berman OC
Your little boy.
01:08:41 Dr. Jennifer Berman OC
01:08:43 Dorothy Lucey OC
First him then me.
01:08:47 Dr. Jennifer Berman OC
But up next?
01:08:47 Dr. Laura Berman OC
That's your favorite subject.
01:08:49 Dr. Jennifer Berman OC
?two women who turned female angst into a business. But guess what? Now they're experiencing a baby panic attack.
01:08:55 Dr. Laura Berman OC
Berman and Berman is coming right back.
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Berman & Berman 27 the age at which fertility begins to decline - The American Society for Reproductive Medicine
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Berman & Berman For Women Only
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