Dr. Jennifer Berman offers these tips to keep the spark in your love life alive: 

  1. Together, take the time to create a “fantasy box.” On separate pieces of paper, jot down fantasies, fold them up, and put them in the box. When the mood strikes you — pull one out at random. 
  2. Shop for sex toys together — either on-line or in-store. This is a great opportunity for bonding, as well as revealing what each of you like. 

  3. Paint each other’s bodies with edible paints. Or improvise with something from the refrigerator like chocolate syrup or whipped cream. 
  4. Incorporate a small vibrator into your lovemaking. For example, try using it on her while performing oral sex. 
  5. Never eat a heavy meal right before making love. If you’re counting on action later, eat light. 
  6. Blindfold your partner and focus on different sensations (feathers, ice, oils, etc.) 
  7. Set the mood with candles, music, dim lights, perhaps some wine. Give yourself permission to take your time at getting into the mood! 
  8. Plan a sexual adventure — a surprise night where each must come prepared with a sexual adventure for the other (be sure to bring all the necessary props and tools). Go crazy, be creative, have a little fun. 
  9. Keep the underwear on. Instead of rubbing your partner with different sensual materials — rub through them! Move your hands over one another, try playing with oral sex through lingerie, etc. 
  10. Wear sexy lingerie under your clothes — or not! Then, go out to dinner and tease your partner with sly little peeks. 
  11. Leave a naked picture of yourself in your partner’s briefcase or purse to ensure that at some point in the day they’ll get a naughty little surprise. 
  12. Place a drop of flavored oil someplace special on your body that you know your partner will lick. 
  13. Try using Altoids — or other peppermint candies — during oral sex. 
  14. Thrill Sex. Try having sex in “dangerous” places (elevators, cars — even in the garage while the babysitter is with the kids, airplanes, restaurant bathrooms.) 
  15. Put a lock on the bedroom door and don’t be ashamed to use it! Even with the kids… they really should learn to knock. 
  16. Don’t forget those Kegel muscles! As your partner withdraws, squeeze the muscles as if you’re trying to keep him in. This will provide more friction for him — and you. 
  17. Resist the temptation to reach orgasm. Delay it and enjoy the sensuality and eroticism of the act. When this happens it will be that much more intense later. 
  18. Understand gender differences. Women typically like to be slowly brought to arousal and don’t like it when partners go right for the nipples or the genitals. Men, on the other hand, tend to have one major erogenous zone — the genitals. One way to accommodate both is for her to provide him with manual stimulation, while he continues much more slowly on her. 
  19. For some women, direct clitoral stimulation can be too intense. Try a little to the left, a little to the right. Get to know your partner. Explore all your options. 
  20. 20. Maintain eye contact during sex and especially orgasm. This can enhance both intimacy and intensity.

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