I remember a time when desire was simple, an easy current running just beneath the surface. Then, slowly, things began to change. The current weakened, and intimacy started to feel distant, something I remembered more than felt. It’s a strange feeling, being a stranger in your own body. You start to wonder if that vibrant, sensual part of you is gone for good. But I’ve learned that it’s not about losing a part of yourself forever; it’s about finding a new way to access it. The journey back to pleasure requires curiosity, courage, and the right professional advice sex love to guide you through the physical changes holding you back.

So there I was in the early hours of the morning with a guy I didn’t know six hours before, feeling totally comfortable and sexually aroused. This is perhaps not the safest thing to do in the world but Dennis had passed my stringent criteria. He was not a loner. He was with other friends I had met, who in conversation seemed to back up the stories I had heard.

  1. We were at the same hotel and so he was not anonymous.
  2. I had his business card.
  3. Dee Dee knew where I was.
  4. The room had thin walls and even though it was late, people were still within earshot.
  5. And finally, this guy just seemed genuine, sweet, and grounded.

What can I tell you? I weighed the risks and this was one of them. Women who want an adventurous life have to take some risks, and usually intuitive skills serve them well. This one seemed likely to be okay. From the moment we got inside the door, I knew this was going to be a special experience. He kissed me slowly and gently for a long, long time. I was ready to get into bed with him, but then he suggested we take a shower together. Yum. We undressed each other slowly. Piece by piece, maintaining eye contact. Then we got into the small shower with the warm water running. I turned to him to start soaping him up but he would have none of that. He said, Let me take care of you. Oooh-kay. He soaped up a washcloth and then using the cloth and his hand, he lathered up every part of my body. Slowly. He was gentle across my breasts and between my legs but did not linger there. Instead, he paid particular attention to my head and hair and dug his fingers into my scalp in the most sensual and erotic way. I actually buckled at the knees. He rinsed my hair off slowly, languidly, and I relaxed under his care. My body was still a writhing mass of foam when he began to rinse me off. He turned the water to a hotter temperature and soaked the washcloth in it. With long strokes, he wiped off my body. He then turned off the water, and wrapped a towel around me. Slowly, deliberately he patted my body dry, first the front, then on the back. He picked me up and carried me to the bed. I was seconds from an orgasm and we hadn’t even begun conventional foreplay. I wanted him so badly I couldn’t see straight. Dennis had condoms on the bedside table. He put one on, but did not enter me right away though I was literally begging for it. Sometimes it’s nice not to get what you ask for at least not right away. He kissed me gently, nibbled at my lips, kissed my ears and neck and worked his way down to my body and kept going south. This further endeared him to me. Unhurried and enthusiastic oral sex followed. I was totally unprepared, however, for what happened next. It was amazing. Unprecedented. Unbelievably fabulous. When he entered me, he continued the fantasy we had begun on the plane: He had me in another reality. As he moved inside of me we talked to each other, maintained eye contact, and it felt intimate as well as exciting. He kept asking me how I liked each angle, each depth, each slight calibration of speed. I told him what felt good until the pleasure became so intense I really didn’t care what he was doing as long as he didn’t stop. When I got to the brink of climax, he held my face and we kept our eyes open looking at each other. I felt like we were entering each other’s body and soul. I had a powerful orgasm and so did he. Afterward, he grabbed me tightly and intertwined his body with mine. He said something about how wonderful it was and fell dead asleep.

From the Author: “This is a book written for all those middle-aged and older women, or for that matter, any woman, who has doubted that she could maintain passion and romance in her life. It is a chronicle of my life after age 55, dating, looking for love, looking for sex and following all of that and more. It’s a sexy read, but more than that, I hope it is inspirational to women who have backed away from love and sex and the ups and downs of finding someone to love. The book itself gives a lot of suggestions about how find romance, men (mostly online but overall, to be open and adventurous and optimistic) and how to find love ( get rid of anger, lists of specifications and comparisons to the past). This passage above is about the first time I have sex with a man I met in an airport (not an uncommon thing for me at that time!). This is a man who was perhaps the most gifted lover in the world at least the most gifted lover I have ever come across (until, of course, my current lover) and I was putty in his hands. He was more than just technically proficient, however. He had a big heart, a big personality and this was the beginning of a major love affair.” Dr. Pepper Schwartz, is a sociology and sexual relations expert writing, lecturing, doing and teaching at the University of Washington and is one of the nationals leading experts on relationships and sexuality. She is the author or co-author of numerous books, including The Great Sex Weekend and Peer Marriage, magazines, website columns, and a TV personality on the subject of sexuality. She obtained a Ph.D. in sociology from Yale in 1974. Dr. Schwartz wrote the column “Sex and Health” for Glamour magazine for seven years. She has appeared on the Oprah show (six times), Dr. Phil, Dateline, Lifetime, The Today Show, and Good Morning America, and more. She is a past president of the Society for the Study of Sexuality and a charter member of the International Academy of Sex Research. The book jacket for her 2007 book Prime: Adventures and Advice on Sex, Love, and the Sensual Years described her living “in Washington State, being single after a 23-year marriage, and having two children in college”.

Frequently Asked Questions

This story is inspiring, but what if I’ve completely lost my sex drive? Is it possible to get it back? It’s incredibly common to feel a disconnect between the desire you remember and the desire you feel now. Think of your libido not as a switch that’s been turned off, but as a complex system influenced by your hormones, physical health, and emotional state. A diminished sex drive is rarely a permanent state. Often, it’s your body’s way of signaling an underlying imbalance. Getting to the root of that change, whether it’s hormonal or otherwise, is the key to rediscovering that part of yourself.

What if intimacy has become uncomfortable or even painful? How can I enjoy experiences like this? First, let’s be clear: sex should never be painful. If you’re experiencing discomfort, your body is telling you something needs attention. Many women face issues like vaginal dryness or changes in tissue elasticity, particularly during and after menopause. These are not things you simply have to endure. There are effective, modern treatments that can restore moisture and comfort, allowing you to focus on connection and pleasure instead of bracing for pain.

How much of sexual response is physical versus mental? Could hormones be affecting my ability to feel pleasure? The mental and physical aspects of sexuality are completely intertwined. You can’t separate them. Your mind might be willing, but if your body isn’t physically primed for arousal, it can create a frustrating roadblock. Hormones like estrogen and testosterone are fundamental to this process; they influence everything from your level of desire to blood flow and nerve sensitivity. When these hormones are out of balance, it can absolutely impact your ability to feel and respond to pleasure.

I want to reconnect with my sensual side, but I feel overwhelmed. What’s a good first step? Feeling overwhelmed is a natural response when you’re trying to address something so personal. The best first step is to approach yourself with curiosity instead of pressure. Start by simply paying attention to your body. Beyond that, the most powerful action you can take is to speak with a professional who specializes in women’s sexual health. A confidential conversation with an expert can help you understand the specific changes you’re experiencing and map out a clear, personalized path forward.

The story describes a very powerful orgasm. What if my orgasms have become weaker or harder to achieve? The intensity and ease of orgasm can change over time, and you’re certainly not alone if you’ve noticed a difference. A satisfying climax depends on a combination of factors, including healthy blood flow, nerve function, and hormonal balance. When any of these elements are compromised, it can make orgasms feel less intense or more elusive. The good news is that there are innovative therapies designed to directly address these physical factors, helping to enhance sensation and improve your body’s natural sexual response.

Key Takeaways

  • Prioritize sensation over the end goal: The story shows how taking time for sensory experiences, like a slow shower, can build more intense pleasure than rushing through foreplay. Focus on mindful touch and what feels good in the moment to create a deeper, more satisfying connection.
  • Make intimacy a conversation: True connection comes from being present with your partner. The story’s most powerful moments involved eye contact and verbal check-ins. Don’t be afraid to ask for what you want and tell your partner what feels good—it builds trust and amplifies pleasure.
  • Embrace your sensual curiosity: Passion and desire are not limited by age or relationship status. This story is a powerful reminder to stay open to new experiences and give yourself permission to explore what brings you pleasure, reclaiming your own narrative around sexuality.

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